Sunday, May 24, 2015

Snakes Give Me The Shakes

Last night I was working fast and furious
on my snake comprehension pack.
You lost me at "snake". 
I'm not even kidding!
I have a severe phobia of snakes.
See them in a magazine, I jump.
See them in the grass, I scream and run away.
When I was in 6th grade, a classmate 
brought one to our Science class. 
He walked in and I was at the window in
about 3 seconds flat.  Thankfully, my teacher
saw my reaction and asked him to put it away.
...and THEN I stepped away...
from the SECOND STORY window.
I would not have hesitated to jump
if he had forced that thing in my face!!
True story people! would not do well
at my school.  We have snakes all over
the place.  Seriously.  I can't tell you how
many times I've had to stop my line so that
we could let a snake pass across the outside,
hallway/sidewalk.  When we see one,
I've taught my kiddos to stomp their feet so
that the vibrating sound will scare the snake away.
I have been so jealous of your Florida
classroom until this very moment.
The cornfields surrounding my home
look absolutely fabulous.
...thank you very much!
Try works!
The snake will go super, crazy-fast away!
AND if you're wondering why we leave the
snakes alone in our Florida school....
instead of calling for pest control...
a few years ago, there was a school in our state
overrun with RATS!  They were EVERYWHERE!
Now THAT would FREAK ME out!
I just did the EWWWW dance!
Snakes eat rats.
End of story. 

I need my snake comprehension 
for next week's Learning Camp.
I was assigned a

and I thought that we could begin by reading
a little about these little guys.
Uh, no thanks!
I fell asleep in the middle of making
the reading comprehension pack,
and had nightmares all night about snakes.
My husband was out of town,
and my house was crawling with snakes
including a pesky, little cobra.
So being the protective mama bear
that I am, I went and got 2 of my metal,
vacuum cleaner extensions and went
snake hunting throughout my house.
I got this tip from watching Naked & Afraid.

Have I mentioned that's one of my new
favorite shows?  
I used to think it was a bunch 
of  bawdy nonsense...
So NOT my thing....but you enjoy my friend.
until I was deathly ill last New Year's Eve
and ended up watching a full 
day's marathon of the series.
It is now on my list of recordings.
Golden Boy walked in my room the
other day, and said, "I can't believe
you're watching this mom!"
I tried to explain the merit of the show,
but I didn't quite sell him on it.
A naked survivalist showed me how to use
long sticks to pin down a snake
...very handy tid-bit!

As I came across each creepy crawly,
Uh, you run out of the house!
I pinned it down with one metal tube, 
and clobbered it on the head
with the other one.
I was doing pretty good,
until I got to the cobra.
Uh, you run out of the house!
He was wiley
and quick.
I couldn't quite pin him
down for my clobber routine
before he'd slither away.
And you run out of the house!
In the middle of tracking
him down (again)....I came 
across another snake slunkered
down in a corner.
I went to go pin him down,
to hit him on the head...
when he lunged at me.
He ended up not being a snake,
but a four legged lizard instead.
He knocked me over and
while I was scrambling to get
him off of my chest to keep
him from biting me...I woke up.
It's about time!
What a nightmare.... the worse kind ever.

I was seriously doing crazy
arm movements trying
to get a dream 
snake/lizard off of me.
Because you didn't run out of the house!
My computer with my snake
activity was next to me
and my husband wasn't in bed.
He really WAS out of town,
which was probably a good thing
or HE would have been clobbered.
I decided right then and there to finish
the snake activity, because 
I wanted it out of my hair (and head)!
I finished it at 5:30am.
Sheesh!  You do realize that sleep is
a necessity, not a luxury right?
Like food and water.
There. Done!
Now go away pesky, snake dreams!
I've decided that the best way to get rid of them
is to let these little snakes
go free!
Go crawling through cyber space
my little snake friends.
Now I'm running out of my house!
I'm sending them out to our
blogging buddies.
I hope you don't freak them out!
Catch them quick and throw
them into your snake files.
They'll only be free for a little bit,
so if you missed it...become a blog
follower for future freebies!

I don't know...
is there symbolism in my dream?
Is there a snake that I should be looking out for?
Are things not quite what they seem?
Maybe I need to buy a dream catcher.
Or maybe I just need to get to bed
on time without tons of school work
snaking through my frazzled brain.
There's your answer my 

workaholic friend!
isssss not coming
sssssssssooon enough!
SSSSSStop it!
You're freaking me out!

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