Saturday, April 11, 2015

VAM Scores In Florida
I just had to share a simple request
from my Union President.
He wants to share his story about how our
VAM scoring system for Florida teachers
 doesn't make any sense.

 It's Florida's Value Added Model
that's calculated into our teacher evaluations
(a.k.a. our VAM scores).
Yes....I'm a Union Member.
Yes....I'm a Republican.
That makes me a Republican, Union Member.
I never thought I'd be calling
myself a moron...
any type of a moron...
but there you have it.
For the record, you're not a moron.
Just saying...

We all realized that the VAM equation
for our evaluation system
didn't make any sense when we were shown
this gobblygook for our upcoming evaluations
several years ago:
What on Earth is this?!
This is a serious post?
Illinois has a great deal of issues...
(don't get me started)
...but we don't have the "joy" of this.
 We all looked at the formula and asked
our principal, vice principal, and reading coach
to please explain the meaning to us.
Two years ago, no one could
give us a definite answer.
There's your first sign.

So you just smiled and nodded?
Do you see why I'm a member of our union?
Since then, this is the best thing to an explanation
that I've been able to find.
 Uh, the word "assume" is in there 3 times.
Have they not heard about
the equation on that one?!
Here's an article about a New York
teacher facing the same problems:
 Good golly!  Are they serious?
I'm still confused.
And yes.  I realize that all 3 of these
equations are looking a little different.
I can't even find a single one mathematical equation
to solve my problem. That's how lost I am.
Remember....I'm the oxymoron...
so don't expect much from me.
The formula could have very well been thoroughly
explained, and maybe I wasn't there that day.....
or it went right over my head.

Here's my Union President, Luke Flynt,
sharing his story.  He's explaining
the fairness of the VAM scores
to our school board members:
There you have it.
Finally!  This oxymoron has finally gotten it!
The VAM scores are simply meant
to keep teachers from being successful.
Absolutely ridiculous!
How on Earth can ANYBODY hear this 
and think this system is at all credible?!
I have never heard of such a thing.
The predicted score was higher
than the total possible?
Are you serious?!
Students who missed 1 or 2 are
marked against him?
Look up outrage in the dictionary
and you'll see an 8x10 glossy picture
of this nonsense!
I'm proud of him and happy
that you have him on your side!
Less Successful Teachers = Less Money To Be Paid
Well then...
why didn't the State of Florida
just tell us that to begin with?
They could have held a big press conference,
and let everyone know from the beginning...
that the state is setting teachers up for failure.
Alright. Whew! Glad to get that out in the open.
That way the state can save money,
or have it to spend on something
they consider more worthwhile.
Seriously?!  At what point do
teachers catch a break?
No other profession has to deal with
such nonsense!
Side Note:
When I was texting the word "VAM"
the other day, my phone kept wanting
to send it as the word "VAMPIRE".
Is my phone trying to tell me something?
We're teachers....we'll jump through hoops of fire to
get our kiddos to where they need to be
by the end of each school year.
Puh-reach sista!
There's no equation for that but
simple blood, sweat, and tears.
We just can't necessarily jump through a
hoop of fire that's the size of an itty-bitty finger:
-- excerpt from Madagascar III --
Now if that thing was a little wider....sure thing!
I'd even squeeze myself into a leotard for that!
It wouldn't be a pretty sight....but Queen Chaos
would be hurtling through the air! 
Oh my eyes, my eyes!
What am I saying?
I'm already hurtling through the air.
Aiming high and
shooting for the stars....
I'm just getting 3rd degree burns
leaving irreparable scar tissue while I'm doing it.
What to do....What to do....
We can't strike in Florida. 

I guess it's just time
for this oxymoron to get back to work.
Little Johnny needs to learn to read.
That's called priorities.
Now where did I put my flame retardant suit?
Oh yeah....let me grab some garlic while I'm at it.
Now that's funny!

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

It is spring, and we have nine more weeks of school!
We can do this....we can do this....we can do this!
We're in the home stretch!
The light at the end of the tunnel is on and facing us!
At the end of the year, I just love to read: 
The Very Hungry Stressed Out Teacher
Uuuuuuuhhhh...I mean
The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle.

I'll share a little secret...
I can't stop putting food in my mouth.
Stressed much?
Ok, that was funny!
Of course not!
-as I brush crumbs off my my chest- 
You mean you're NOT supposed to have crumbs on your chest?
It's all good!
Let me just take a bite of a peanut butter cup.
Soooo not good for me....
but sooooo very necessary at the same time.
Oreo?  Uh, Double Stuff?! Anyone?  No?  More for me then!

Here's a quick freebie for all of our blogging buddies out there!
Hopefully you all have much better self control than I do.
You must.
I'm feeling sick.
Where's my green leaf?

....and in honor of Regina's Freebie...

On Monday, the hungry teacher ate through one apple
but she was still hungry.  
Crunch, crunch, crunch!
(I mean really?  Why are apples the symbol of teachers everywhere?!)

On Tuesday, the hungry teacher ate through an entire bag
of Skinny Pop popcorn but she was still hungry.
Munch, munch, munch!
(It was Skinny Pop not movie theater butter...just saying)

On Wednesday, while she was grading papers
the hungry teacher ate through an entire bag of bite sized 
Reese's peanut butter cups.
(In her defense, they were bite size!)

On Thursday, the hungry teacher ate 
through an entire roll of Girl Scout cookies 
but she was still hungry. 
(C'mon now.  We should all support a great organization like the Girl Scouts!)
I buy the Chocolate Mint ones every year!

On Friday, the hungry teacher ate through a few 
100 calorie snack bags but she was still hungry.
(Again, 100 calories isn't too bad right?)
I think it really depends on how many
of those bags I open at one time.

100 + 100 = 200
200 + 200 = 400
400 + 400 = 800
Oh wait, you said "a few".....Bwa-ha-ha!

On Saturday, the hungry teacher was so 
exhausted from her week she took a nap.
Can you say sugar coma?

On Sunday, the hungry teacher decided that she needs
to chill out on the snacks because after
spring comes summer.
She'll have a lot of time on her hands 
to get into that swimsuit.

Happy Spring!
And close the cookie jar!
Those are mine!
Not if I get there first!